Regret marrying my wife… cry after having sex

Spent hours writing this and got blocked for being a bot (wft?!)… i’m trying again here, please be kind! (M40) Married (F39) for ten years, together for 15 years, 2 kids that I love. When I met my wife the fit seemed perfect at first, she was also very interested in me and sexually speaking all seemed fine. In a a couple of months we started dating. After 4 months we said we were in love. We were young and everything seemed perfect, with one small exception that back then didn’t bother me at all : she would always make a comment about one of her exes always in very positive terms, for instance if i took her out and we took public transportation, she would mention her ex-bf had a very expensive sport car. I didn’t care back then because believe it or not, I used to be an extremely non-jealous and secure man. Everything was going perfectly until one day when something completely weird happened: while chatting with a common male friend (no alcohol involved), he mentioned that penis size didn’t matter to women and my then gf started laughing and saying of course it does! I brushed it off, i never thought too much about penis size, being slightly above average i always had the impression i was “more than enough”… that night we got back home and slept together. While cuddling in bed i asked her what she meant when she said that penis size matters and she said “i simply meant that bigger is better than smaller”. I said to myself she would be crazy to say this if she thought i was actually small or smaller than what she preferred, so i asked her “am I big?”. There are few things in life that i’ll have trouble forgetting and her answer is one of them: she burst out laughing and said no, you are only normal. She didn’t stop there, she then proceeded to tell me her ex (yes, the same one) was actually the biggest penis she ever saw, that she had trouble fitting him in but that it was still “very good”, that he was also very talented in sex and fucked her in all imaginable positions for more than one hour (i asked her how did she know and she said it was because she used to put a playlist that lasted one hour when they would have sex…). And more details that I’ll spare you from reading. As you can imagine, I was devastated… with my last ounce of dignity left I asked her very bluntly: “and yet, do you prefer having sex with me I hope?” And she burst in laughter again and said it was impossible to compare… everything i had hoped for our relationship died at that moment… she had invited herself to my apartment but i started making plans to dump her but i didn’t do it immediately … my next priority was to graduate, find a nice internship… at one point i told her i could not stay with someone that had told me what she had told me. I started crying out loud in the middle of the chinese restaurant where we were having dinner. She grabbed my head and said she loved me more than anything and that the past is just the past and a lot of other cliches that i now recognise as cliches but that made sense to me back then (all my mistakes made me the women that fell in love with you…) i decided to force myself to forget what she said and give her another chance. I was successful for a while. I proposed to her and married 4 years later. I remember i thought about him again while we were honey mooning and felt extremely bad, but besides this i stopped worrying about him. My rationale was: i have a lot of qualities, but alas in bed i’m a very normal and average lover, just like my wife lacks a lot of qualities from my exes. Even though i’d prefer to stay ignorant of those differences and the details that came with them… that’s no reason to keep you from marrying someone that overall is a perfect match. We had 2 kids. After 8 years i noticed she started to become angry and yell very often which was out of character. She seemed annoyed at me (for sure, she probably had her reasons, one of our kids had serious health issues, we live far from our families, we both had issues with work, so some years were just tough) sex started to become rare and honestly just meh… i asked her several times if she was ok and she would only say that raising kids and working is very hard and that she was only very tired… couple of years ago we went on an all inclusive resort for one week. I thought it was the perfect moment to reconnect with her, since there was a kids club in the resort and no need to clean, cook or do whatever… after 2 days i looked her differently when we were going back to our room and she said “don’t even think about it…” it crushed me… I couldn’t sleep and the next day she saw i didn’t sleep and said “maybe tonight i’ll have sex with you if that can make you sleep”… great! Pity sex, everything i was hoping for… when we finally did it, she said “please go quick”… that was the last straw for me… when we got back home i sat with her and asked her why we were together… she hugged me and said she loved me… she once again became the loving wife/girlfriend she used to be but I cannot avoid not being disgusted by her and resenting her for what she said and did and i started regretting deciding to stay with her… when she touches me i immediately think about when she compared me to her ex and i want to puke. When we have sex i sometimes cry afterwards because i feel guilty/disgusted. I want to stay in the marriage for the kids even though i know i’ll never love her again as before… is this solvable?