I (M23) am secretly dating/having sex (kinda) with my lesbian roommate (F21)

First of all, I am queer and go by they/them but my appearance is undoubtedly masculine. I’m into bodybuilding, I have a mustache, buzz cut and I’m covered in hair. I identify as pansexual. It’s… complicated. We’ve been best friends for over a year and we live with five other people. At one point last October we started cuddling together at night while watching movies, around the same time that we had both ended our respective relationships. We talked about being lonely and told each other how nice it was to have someone to be direct with and laugh with. During winter break I really, REALLY missed her and I was really happy to see her when she stayed over my parents’ house with me during New Years. We went to this college chamber music retreat together with a bunch of other students and we took a duo mini road trip to get there and back. On the way back we had a nice long dinner and we got back to the apartment. We were the only ones there and I said “wanna watch a movie? All good if not, we just hung out for like 70 hours” and she said “yeah, some people I just don’t get tired of.” I supported her asking this girl out on a date in the first week but she came back from it and told me she didn’t feel into it. Things just changed after that. We’d cuddle on the couch, sharing our days long after the TV was off and my roommates went to bed. Two weeks ago we went to the bars together and she felt sick so I walked her home and she wanted to cuddle and ended up sleeping in my bed. We cuddled in my bed for a while in the morning and she waited for two of my other roommates to leave before sneaking back to her room. A few days later we were watching TV together in my room and she slept over again. She said “it feels so nice to share affection with someone.” As we held one other she leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. It was such a sweet gesture I almost cried lowkey. We talked about how we had some feelings for one another and she said “I want us to be kind of a thing, strictly emotional of course” and I said “yeah, I feel that way too.” This past Friday we had another sleepover. When we got up in the morning, we cuddled and she started touching my side underneath my shirt. I said “hey, what’s up?” And she said “testing the waters… I’m on top though.” I, well, let her kiss my neck and touch my crotch over my clothes, with her squeezing my chest. I whimpered her name a little and she said she liked it. She said “I didn’t know I had it in me.” Later, I asked what she had meant by platonic and she said “Well, that’s out the window now, I guess. I just want you to know, I don’t want us to see one another naked and I don’t want to do penetrative sex. I don’t think you’re ugly but I don’t feel attracted to you like that. Damn, I wish you were a girl.” I said “that’s all good, no worries! I just like being around you. We don’t have to do anything sexual if you don’t want.” She said “no, I want to try that again.” Last night she was in my room and watching TV. We were talking after and she matter-of-factly said “I’m horny” and started kissing me. She guided me to rub her crotch over her clothes and I started, as she moved her hair so I could kiss her neck. I did that for quite some time she seemed to like it. At the end she said “that felt good. next time we should put on music. Kind of sus if we had suddenly turned it on late at night in your room.” So, I have a secret girlfriend that texts me throughout the day. We cuddle on the couch and we’re best friends to everyone in public. She’s the BEST but I can’t tell anyone that it’s deeper than that because she’s very outwardly a lesbian and I get it because queer people work so hard for people to take their identity seriously. I lowkey could have gone without the comment after she set that boundary about not seeing me naked but such is life. Is this stupid? I’m really happy about it for the most part. My best friend loves me and cuddles with me. Whenever no one is around she gives me cheek kisses and scratches my head. She told me she wants to take a trip to a neighboring state (where we don’t know anyone) when the weather gets nice and go on a date and hold hands together, all while wearing super queer clothing so we don’t get mistaken for a straight couple.