I stole a uniform and pretended to have a job for 3 months.

Back in the 90s I was an IV heroin addict and general garbage head. I sold LSD and cannabis to supply money for my habit and living expenses. I was dating this woman who desperately wanted me to get a real job and get my life together, but I had no intention of doing so. She was on my back about it for months, so I went to the Goodwill and stole what looked like a waiter uniform. I went every morning and pretended to be going to work, but I would really go to the park and do drugs or go hang out with one of my buddies. I would get dressed up, go to work, and come home with stories of my day and shitty customer experiences that never happened. I only got caught when her and her grandma came to the restaurant to sit in my section and surprise me. They were confused when the employees had never heard of me before. I paid all of the bills and everything, she just wanted me to do a legal job instead. True story.