My sister just failed the bar exam for the second time and I felt a wave of relief. I hate myself.

My whole life my older sister has been the untouchable golden child. Perfect grades, Ivy League undergrad, our parents' absolute pride and joy. Every single accomplishment I ever had—graduating college, getting my first marketing job, buying my car—was always met with a lukewarm "that’s nice, but look at what your sister is doing." I spent twenty-four years feeling like the invisible, defective sibling. Yesterday she called our family group chat in hysterical tears because she failed the state bar again. My parents immediately dropped everything, rushed to her apartment, and started treating it like a national tragedy. Here is the disgusting truth. When I heard the news, my chest literally loosened for the first time in a decade. I didnt feel sad for her. I felt this sudden, overwhelming sense of relief that the pedestal was finally cracked, that she isn't some flawless deity who effortlessly outshines me at every family dinner. I had to mute my mic so nobody could hear me exhale. I’m comforting her over text right now, but looking at myself in the bathroom mirror makes me feel like a complete monster.