My dad just died

I’m 19 years and a female and my dad committed suicide on February 8th of this year. It was so unexpected and I still don’t feel the same. My mom said she was using the bathroom and heard him go into the gun safe and just left the house and drove off to the neighboring county. She was the only one home as I am in college and wasn’t home and I have an older brother that has his own place. It was so out of the ordinary and I’m still in shock 3 weeks later. People say we will get over this but I don’t think I will. I’m traumatized, sad, and mad. He just left us like we’d be better off without him but we’re not doing ok. My mom is completely heartbroken and so am I. I talked to him everyday and I can’t do that now and I feel like crap. We haven’t been able to sleep since and now I’m back at school I still feel terrible and I don’t know what to do. I’m mad at him bc he left and put me in this situation at 19 years old. What am I supposed to do without my dad he was such a big part of my life.