i lost my friends of 6 years due to a 2-3 situation caused by mania. i never told them why i did what i did, i feel like it would be better if i just disappeared

So back in october-december, i was at the highest of high in my manic phase with a few days of low periods of my depression (i got diagnosed with bipolar disorder a month before this). i know with my mania, i also act recklessly and have a higher sex drive (though, i never act on anything). that time around, i began to drink heavily and was talking with a guy friend at that time as well. this guy friend was in my close group of friends, and 6 years ago he dated a girl in our friend group for 6-7 months online. they broke it off amicably, and remained good friends and cordial. the girl ended up getting a boyfriend. when i talked to this guy, it was mainly me reaching out to him to see if he was okay as I hadn’t heard from him in a while. we got to talking, after a while he started initiating convos that went from flirting to basically intimate, to the point where a few photos were exchanged (as in, 4 in total) at that point, i was drinking every night. i was stressed, i was depressed, my family life was falling apart and work had me stressed and my mental health had taken a hit too hard. during november to december i started getting the proper help i needed, and the proper treatment. i decided first things first i needed to stop what i was doing with the guy friend and explained that my mental health was not good, and being in this state of mania was causing me to act recklessly and not be myself. he understood and we both mutually deleted our pictures and deleted the text and promised one another not to tell anyone else in the group as it was a one off thing. a few weeks ago that same guy friend was venting and vulnerable with that girl (my other, now ex friend) and admitted that he had a tendancy to make convos with girls extremely flirtatious and had used me as an example (no pics were sent to her, he said that we both sent each other some pics). he believed she wouldn’t tell anyone else/would be cool with it because she was very expressive with her sexual encounters with him and also said she wasn’t fond of the girls in our group because they judge her. this friend that was the guys ex has even shown me screenshots of them talking about me in their secret group chat a bunch of us are not included in and she told us both separately that she wanted to leave them. i wasn’t given the full details of what was full said, but that friend had went and told all the girls in the group of my friend group what had occured between us, and before i knew it the guy and i were removed and blocked from every gc and all those girls (im still friends with a few of the guys and the girls, the girls that don’t know are ones that are not in their secret groupchat). i fucked up big time, even though i wasn’t in the right state of mind i didn’t stop it, i should have told my ex friend immediately and i should have owned up to it but i was too ashamed and scared for what they would say to me. i hadn’t opened up to them about my drinking or high libido during my mania but they knew i was bipolar. it still doesn’t excuse it though because i know my friend was upset and she told me she felt as if i played in her face. i feel disgusting genuinely that anyone knew at all, and that i trusted someone to not share this, but i most of all feel disgusted with myself. i wish i had the courage to tell her everything i said here but it won’t bring back my friends, my dignity, or anything. i know they dated 6 years ago for a small while but i should have reminded myself that it shouldn’t have happened. i’m just really numb right now, im removed from everywhere and there’s no reason to explain myself since i know they’ll screenshot it and share it in the secret groupchat but won’t communicate with me, they hate me and i know it. i feel like a fucked up person i just can’t stand me anymore.