I don't feel a lot of emotions, and I have done terrible things

I am 20M, I have been not feeling like a lot of things, I've been feeling like a lot these days. Actually thing is that I have a lot of issues with me like there are times where I feel like hollow from inside inside and I don't know what to do with me. I never felt loved by anyone, and if someones tries to come too close to me, I ruin everything... literally everything and I don't know how to make up for it.... I lie, cheat and deceit everyone around me to work my way around, I have got a lot of success in working profession but I don't know why I still feel hollow inside, There is nothing that I know or I genuinely feel that I know basically nothing at all and still I somehow improvise on everything... I stay loyal to my partner (lover) that's all that I have on being not cheating on but still I do a lot of flirting with other people if there needs to be, to get my way around things and I don't know why but I've gotten used to on using people a lot... I don't have any god complex or nothing, it just that I feel a lot less emotions while doing these things and some how I kind of justify my actions, like for instance I lied to my business partner on a deal and made lots of money through that and he's working for pennies for that same job and there are so many other incidence like these and I am like this from the beginning like since I was a child, I have a little sister she's kinda similar and we both are like this. Our dad was really toxic and he used to never appreciate any thing we did, only appraisal we got was once when we used to win something or top our classes thus, we both became really competitive and our mom is really pushing us thinking that we are only there way out of poverty his I became at the end but still I don't know what to do with myself I do a lot of deals and with business personals everyone considers me so good and everything, but I feel like if they knew me from inside out they'll be terrified of how bad I really am and how much times I've been lying to them, thing is that I lie so good that I am never been caught and generally I lie and then improvise on those situations a lot and I cheat a lot on people that are working with me to get stuff done and make profits. I don't know whats killing me inside and what's happening with me, I just feel a lot less emotions but since few days I felt like a trickster, a fake and yeah I struggled a lot but I don't know why I just don't feel genuine from inside and please, I do feel sorry about this behavior and everything but I really wanna get out of this zone, this habit and do something that feels legit to me and probably I lose some money but then again I at the brink of situations just think that how can I win that's all I think always... I don't know why am I evening writing this but I feel very shallow and I feel like I am about to have a early life crisis soon, I am not psychopathic but feels like I am bit sociopathic in my own regard and from my actions and yeah, I have been committing to a lot of things but at the end all I do is disappoint people and fucks up everything and conclusion of things always feels empty even if I am at a better place tbh Write whatever you feel like, judge me all you want ... I need some help and I wrote what I felt