A brown escape

I don't know if this is the right place but I finally need to just tell someone about this. When I was 20 (many moons ago), I got invited to go clubbing with a few friends I hadn't seen in a while. Usually I'm one to stay home and binge watch my current show but I said fudge it and agreed to go. Unfortunately I had just started the washing machine with all my lady laces in there. I didn't have time to wait so once again said fudge it and went free style. Figured I'd be okay since I'm not one to get too crazy. Put on a nice not too sleazy dress and headed out. I didn't live too far from the club downtown so I decided to just walk there. Got about 2 blocks from my house and this man grabs my arm from behind (never once saw or heard anyone prior) and tells me to give him my f.ing bag. I froze. Only for a slight second cause once I unfroze so did my bowels. I unintentionally let loose the hershey squirt cannon. All down my leg, the sidewalk, the works. It was so bad that the man let go of my arm and said "that's f.ing nasty" and ran away without my bag that he asked for. I stopped myself from being mugged. After the brown escape happened I simply went home and never agreed to go out again.