my sister died giving birth and i’ve been raising her baby girl as my own for 3 years… she calls me mommy and i’m dying inside but i’d die for her 💔

hey… this is a throwaway and i’m literally shaking typing this on my phone while she’s napping. i don’t even know if i should post this but i can’t keep pretending anymore. three years ago my big sister died giving birth to my beautiful niece. complications. one minute she was there cracking jokes in the delivery room and the next she was just… gone. the dad was never in the picture (thank god because he was trash) and the rest of our family? they all said they “couldn’t handle raising another kid” and basically scattered. i was 22. fresh out of community college, finally feeling like my life was starting. i had plans to go into pediatric nursing because i’ve always loved kids. but when i held that tiny baby in the hospital, still warm from my sister’s body, and she wrapped her little hand around my finger… i promised my sister right there i’d take her. i told everyone she was mine. said i got pregnant young and the dad dipped. no one really dug deep. i became “mommy” overnight. god it hurts so much. she’s three now and she calls me mommy with her whole chest. every single time it feels like a knife because i’m not her real mom. i’m just the aunt who got stuck with her. i love her more than i’ve ever loved anything in this world but i’m so fucking exhausted and lonely i can barely breathe some days. i work doubles at the diner, come home smelling like grease and coffee, and still make sure she has story time every night. i haven’t been on a date since she was born. who wants a 25 year old with a toddler and a mountain of medical debt from the birth? my body is wrecked from the stress, i look older than i am, and most nights i cry in the shower so she doesn’t hear me. i gave up my nursing program. gave up my body. gave up any chance at a normal life. sometimes i catch myself thinking “what if i hadn’t taken her” and then i feel like the worst person alive. she’s the sweetest little thing. she has my sister’s smile and when she has nightmares she only wants me. last week she drew a picture of “me and mommy” at the park and i broke down in the car after preschool drop off. i’m her hero but i feel like the biggest victim of my own life. my sister was supposed to be here raising her. not me. i’m doing my best but i’m scared i’m not enough. i’m scared one day she’ll find out the truth and hate me for lying. i just needed to say it out loud. i’m a single mom who isn’t even a real mom and i’d still choose this broken life a thousand times if it means she’s safe and loved. if you read this far… thank you. i feel less alone already even if just for a second 😭 Edit: this is all so overwhelming i really appreciate all the support and wish i could reply to everyone but honestly didnt expect this much outreach truly means a lot i love you all and wish you all the bests with your families <3