I tried meth for the first time 3 diff ways…. Pls advice needed

I have to get this out for my own mental health. I am coming down from using “Tina” for the first time, (F/39/5’2”, 147 lbs)I went on a second date with a guy that you’d never think does Meth 2 nights ago. He was clean, nice teeth, and fucking SMART. Said all the right things- nowhere near a “tweaker.” He’s also fucking gorgeous. The second night we hung out he offered me to smoke some “Tina” and being in the insanely depressed state of life right now (I won’t get into details but know I’m at a low, scary point in my life) and just wanting to feel SOMETHING, I said fuck it and out my lips around the pipe and hit it. We did this a couple time driving to the motel. (Yeah I know. We both have clean sexual recent records so don’t judge my asss) I felt nice but not like insane from the couple hits we smoked. At the hotel he offered me “hot rails” which I can barely remember… I think I did like 2 of those? As He was walking to the table when one of his rig caps came off and fell on the bed. I noticed it right away and he admitted freely to using intravenously recently for about 7 months . (I have been a former IV heroin but sober since 2009) At this point I’m so fucking lit from the the meth, the high on crushing on him and the fucking seexxx…HOLY. I keep Telling myself “I need a night like this. I deserve it” and before I knew it I asked if I could have a shot. Without hesitation and my consent he said he was dying for one- perfect timing and loaded a .5 shot. And of course, I flew into a world of swirling heat and pure, hot, bliss. My pupils dilate so fast the room actually becomes lighter. I have to stand up to catch my breath, not afraid, but delighted. By this time I’ve now taken meth for the first time in my life, in 3 separate methods: smoking it, hotrailing it and lastly- IV shots in the span of 10 hours. Next thing I knew is that it’s 4am and he’s like chilling’ on this shit. Laying on the bed flaccid of course and I’m talking like a spaz. My insides legit vibrating. And we smoke some more and touch each other some more as we had all night until 930-ish am. As we’re about to leave the motel I ask for one more shot and happily obliges. This time I ask for “a little more than the last) he makes a somewhat surprised face, asks in I’m sure and I hand him my arm. He sloooowly pushes .65 in to me and again, I’m booted back into the hot, blissful universe I was not only hour ago. He drives me home. I talk the entire way, way too damn much… I couldn’t stop. I’m so cringed out by how many fucking topics I brought up yapping away a mile a minute but not as cringed out and disgusted I am with myself now. I asked him how much he thinks I did this past Saturday (bc idk wtf meth even looked like until now)- two nights ago and he said probably about 2gs…over 9-10 hours, which I’m assuming is a pretty heroic first time dose? I took seroquil and 2 Xanax after he brought me home around 10:30pm after not doing any more since 930 am. The euphoria was gone and I’m left riddled with guilt, tired eyes but a an intense feeling of anxiety like no other. I feel hollow but still high…it’s hard to explain. I smoke weed and it makes me feel worse. More strung out. I was like in an afterglow high all of yesterday and had to work 9 hours. My body is aching like the flu. I go from normal to sweating super fast and I’m trying to put down a yogurt and keep drinking water. I’m still not sure how I pulled that off. Any time I moved quickly my face would get hot and I get lightheaded. I came home repeated the seroquil and Xanax and I got about about 6 hours of sleep last night. Today all I feel is anxiety, I have to keep telling myself to breathe, drink water, and eat what I can. It’s like I can’t even nap yet without a benzo. I’m riddled with guilt. My mind keeps replaying scenes of that night and part of me wants more while the other is like “WTF ARE YOU DOINGGG?!” How much longer do you think I’ll feel like this? I’ve definitely almost completely come down and now I’m left with a sore body, a racing mind, a want to sleep but can’t.. I fucking hate myself. For all the people who say I’m stupid for doing this- I KNOW. I have been self-destructive my entire life. There’s nothing shitty you can say to me that I haven’t said myself. The WORST PART? I feel like bc of the chemsex, it was delicious I feel connected it him bc my serotonin receptors were being flooded to the max while we’re together that night. I’m cooked aren’t I? There’s no damn way this man feels the same way. My gut tells me he really likes me, but he likes meth more. He’s also Pansexual. And veryyyy openly sexual. If I’m not strong enough to never touch this shit again, I’m so afraid of what’s going to happen with my life. I don’t understand why I cant function without drugs in my life. This is my own doing and I’m certainly paying for it. Any tips or advice is insanely welcome