I stayed because I was lonely, and never loved you Nikki

He’ll never read this, he’s married now and looks happy, so I can finally say it without guilt. We met during COVID when I was at one of the lowest points in my life. He seemed nice, had money, and fell for me. I didn’t feel the same, but I didn’t want to be alone, so I stayed. Biggest mistake I’ve ever made. He was younger, it was his first everything, and it showed. He blamed ADHD for being unbearably clingy, was “depressed” but perfectly fine living off his family’s money and playing Fortnite all day, and had zero drive to better himself. I felt suffocated the entire relationship. And the insecurity? Embarrassing. He had a full breakdown over me not being a virgin, to the point where I was the one calming him down while he spiraled. That pretty much sums it up: I carried him emotionally while getting nothing back. Every time I tried to leave, he’d panic, spam call me, fake health scares, whatever it took to pull me back in. Eventually I just gave up and convinced myself I had to love him because he loved me. And the second I finally did? He switched up. Suddenly he didn’t love me anymore. Moved to New York, met someone else, and did everything with her that I had once talked about—took her to his country, showed her the waterfalls, even went to Italy, the place I always wanted to go. Engaged within a year, married the next. For a while, yeah, it hit my ego. But honestly? Thank God. I could never deal with that level of neediness and emotional immaturity again. Even when my family had an emergency and I had to cancel a trip, he came over and was completely useless. It felt like I had to choose between real life and babysitting a grown man. I regret that relationship completely. I wish we never met. I’ve never felt this strongly about an ex, but I genuinely don’t like you. You were exhausting, insecure, and emotionally draining in every possible way. I’m glad you’re out of my life. And if I never see you again, it still wouldn’t feel like enough distance. Nikki, I doubt you'll see this, but if the stars align I want you to know, I lied. You do have a small and skinny d*ck. Your height makes it worse, it looks like a tik tac. Remember when you tried on my underwear ? I cringed cause it worked on you. Like, you couldn't see your bulge. You're a jerk too, you try to act sweet and thoughtful. But that means listening to the people you care about. It's not a surprise you let therapy and tried blaming the therapist. I know no one will read this to the end, and if they do this makes me look like such a b*tch, but it's such a relief to finally speak my mind and be honest.