I cheated on my husband with a wealthy man in England and I think I was more in love with his life than him

I haven't told anyone this and I need to get it out somewhere. Last year I met a man from England through work. He was significantly wealthier than anyone I'd ever been around before and lived in a completely different world from me. At first it was harmless but we kept talking and eventually it turned into an affair. I told my husband I'd been promoted and that the new position required me to spend more time in England. There was some truth about work requiring travel but nowhere near as much as I made him believe. I ended up spending weeks there over several trips staying with this man while my husband thought I was working. When I was back in the US we mostly talked through encrypted chats and encrypted phone calls because he was extremely private and didn't want messages showing up anywhere obvious. I became ridiculously good at compartmentalizing the whole thing. The worst part is that looking back I'm not even sure I was in love with him. I think I was addicted to his life. The houses, restaurants, people he knew, never thinking about what anything cost. Being around him made me feel like I'd temporarily stepped into somebody else's existence. Things between us have gone cold recently. His messages became less frequent and now we barely speak. I expected to be devastated but instead I've found myself looking at my husband and realizing how badly I've fucked everything up. He's still the person I actually want to come home to. He's been completely normal and loving through all of this because he has no idea what I've been doing. I miss my marriage even though technically I'm still in it. I know how horrible that sounds and I don't really have an excuse. I think I got completely carried away by money, status and the feeling of being wanted by someone who lived that kind of life and now that it's disappearing I'm realizing what I was willing to throw away for it.