I had a child at 13.

I love my baby girl, so much, but I had her extremely young, I was barely 13. Basically I met a man online, not a boy, a MAN. He was 38 when he came to visit me, I lied to my mother and went out with him, he took me to a shitty motel and that was that. When I found out I was pregnant after telling my older sister what happened and she got me a test, she was amazing about the entire thing and after I saw those two lines, even then I knew I had fucked my whole life up way too early, or maybe I should say..changed the course of it severely. I couldn't tell him, my sister told me I needed to tell the police but I didn't, she did. It was just awful, but regardless he did get locked up. The pregnancy went as well as it could except being shamed and having to drop out. You might ask "Couldn't you get an abortion?" My family didn't allow me to for religious reasons, so. Anyway, the birth was probably the worst thing I've ever experienced and I almost died and my daughter almost did too, pretty much most of what could go wrong did and my daughter was underweight, I almost bled out and it felt like I was doing it for days. I also got super depressed for a very long time after. Regardless, now I have my daughter, she's 7. She's an extremely kind mommy's girl who loves nothing more to sit home and play games or go out and take pictures of her dolls. She's a lot like I was. We do everything together, and she's just so perfect despite how I got her. I do.. regret it, having a baby that young but I didn't know, I didn't think, I was just a kid. Even now I am afraid I'm doing everything wrong, that somehow by being her mom I'm ruining her life, you can probably guess my childhood was awful. I remember being asked if I wanted to give her up, my family wouldn't have let me, but I'm glad I didn't. My daughter does have some issues, mental and physical, I'm guessing because of family genes (I'm also mentally ill in many ways and have ASD and BPD and more.) and my age, right now she's homeschooling, she has a mild learning disability and she requires a lot of medical care with her severe asthma and she has seizures. She has extreme separation anxiety but we're working through it with a professional. I just worry, about everything and anything. She's laying on my lap right now taking a nap, and in this moment I just hope I'm doing everything alright, and that she knows I love her and would give my life for her. If I died that day, if the choice of who lives was asked, a million times I would choose her to live. I feel like I'm a doomed person, but she gives me hope.