I killed my wife 5 weeks after our wedding

In 2013 I got married to my highschool sweetheart. We were estranged through college and a little after we found each other again. 5 weeks after our wedding we were driving home from a friends house. It was raining and I was going a little too fast. I took a bend too fast, I lost control and next thing I know i open my eyes, im upside down and she isnt next to me anymore. Nobody ever blamed me, they always told me it was an accident and it was gods will. But it wasn't. I killed her because i was reckless. Her hand was on mine. We were just talking about having a baby. She wanted to know what kind of father I would be if it was a girl. I never got to answer. Im 41 years old and the only reason I dont take my own life is because I hope there is a god and a heaven and I can see her again. My only hope is that she will forgive me.