My boyfriends bestfriend assaulted me and i can’t tell him

i just want to forget the whole thing, i really do but i can’t. i thought i could get myself over it but i physically can’t. i’ve liked my boyfriend justin (fake name) for ages. and in september after a party we finally started dating. and people say you shouldn’t date a long term crush because the reality might not meet your expectations but he does. i like him so fucking much and he actually likes me, a lot. he’s like the boyfriend every girl wants. he’s gorgeous and popular and he plays football and he’s smart and friendly. i like him so much. and now this has happened to me and i want to scream. it’s not fair. we went to a party together last friday, he left for a bit because his friend got really drunk and he was going to walk him home and then come back. well i also got pretty drunk and i went upstairs to be sick but then i ended up not throwing up because i was fine and i just needed a breather. his best friend found me upstairs and i thought i was fine because he’s nice and well known and…i don’t know it sounds stupid but he didn’t look like a rapist. he told me to lie down in one of the bedrooms and i did because i thought he was helping me. but he didn’t help me, he got on top of me. i tried to push him off but i was so drunk i was too weak to do anything and he put a hand over my mouth when i tried to yell. it was really hard to stay conscious, i think for parts i wasn’t. it felt like an hour but i know the whole thing was done in ten minutes and then he got up and told me to be a good sport and left. and i had to try and clean myself up and fix my makeup and then justin came back and i had to say i was sick and wanted to go home. i can’t tell him. you really don’t get it i can’t. that’s his bestfriend since he was eleven and i’m his gf of a few months. i wouldn’t believe me. and they’ve been through so much shit. maybe he’ll just let it slide. and even if he doesn’t even if he takes my side okay then what? i don’t want to be the girl who was raped. i’m meant to be fun and sexy and easy going that’s what im like as a gf that’s what he likes. i like being that. there’s nothing fucking sexy about being a rape victim. i tried so hard get over it. okay - bad shit happened don’t get drunk again and don’t ever be alone with his friend ever again. he’s not going to say shit so i won’t. but justin came over my house today and he tried to have sex. we’ve had sex before, i really like it with him i wanted to have sex with him. but i couldn’t fucking do it he got halfway there and i just felt like i was going to be sick or overheat. i had to shove him off and say i wasn’t feeling well. and he didn’t care. but he’s going to if i can’t get over this or he’s going to realise somethings fucked me up. why can’t i just get over it? i need to get over it. and i can’t tell anyone because im scared my friends will do some “righteous” bullshit and tell justin. or my best friend will genuinely murder his best friend. and that doesn’t change much.