I was raped in college but I hated women more than my rapists

I am from Singapore, typical Asian looking girl. I used to be a total nerd and bookish girl who never talked to any boys outside of groups in class. Starting college I wanted to change. I finally started wearing make up, more fashionable clothes, making an active effort to smile at everyone and not run out of conversations. But two weeks in I was falling back into a niche of other international Asian girls and not really talking with anyone else. So I made the decision to join a sorority. Pretty much everyone else in the sorority was white so I felt a little out of place but these girls were so outgoing and I wanted to be around them so I could learn to be like them. Pledging was way easier than I feared, the hazing wasn't that bad. During the second month of pledging, when we were almost accepted, one of my sisters invited me to a frat party with her. I said yes since I made it a point to say yes to all social things. The party was pretty small, only like eight guys and ten girls. My sister introduced me to a really good looking guy and literally kept putting us together in everything. The guy, Jack, was really good at flirting and made it easy for me to flirt back. I was actually starting to like him and would have definitely gone on a date with him if he asked. Instead what happened was my sister literally shoved the two of us in a room together as a "joke". This was when Jack got way more handsy than he already was. He locked the door and started making out. I didnt want to, it felt too fast but I didnt want to deny him and look like a prude so I let him do it. But he kept going. He pushed me on the bed and and started taking off my top. At this point I panicked squirmed out. He actually stopped and acted all concerned. He put his arm around me and just made me sit with him talking. He gave me some alcohol to drink while we talked. I dont know what was in it because maybe thirty minutes later I felt so out of it that I couldn't resist when he tried again. This time he went all the way of course. He took it really slow and made it romantic as if I consented. I dont really remember much of the rest of the night except what I heard from others. But apparently two other guys also had me and one of them carried me out to the living room while fucking me and a few people were still left in the party at that point and they saw. My reputation was totally ruined after that. Other guys from that frat would randomly put their arms around me in hallways and invite me back to their frat house. I would see my sisters look at me differently. Of course it was a big school so not everyone knew, but in the two greek circles my reputation developed as some sort of asian nyphm that was easy for any white guy. But at the time I didn't realize that. I was still socially inept. So when guys were nice to me I took it at face value. I ended up sleeping with another guy from the frat who I thought wanted to be in a relationship. That kind of solidified it. I had fucked literally half of that frat (There were 9 guys that semester). One of my sisters finally broke down my situation and told me I needed to stay the fuck away from them. But girls hated me for some reason. I dont even know why but these two girls, Ill call them Emma and Sarah just made my life hell. Whenever I made a new friend, even platonic they would somehow make sure the other person heard exaggerated versions of what happened, like I was some toy that was passed around every weekend by that frat. My group of international asian girl friends started to avoid me. I couldnt make new friends. Even in my sorority I felt excluded. So I did the worst possible thing and turned to the only group that was giving me positive attention. The guys from that frat. In the end I think I slept with the whole chapter atleast once. I eventually left my sorority as well and these guys were my only "friends". I avoided everyone else. Always wore a mask and hoodie unless I was in the frat house or in one of their private apartments off campus. Felt extremely uncomfortable anywhere else, I didn't want anyone to see me. In the frat I became a vampire for their attention and hypersexual. I felt so good when I was included in just a normal hangout, when I felt a part of the group and not just their sex thing. I started seeing a most of them as good friends and even eventually fell in love with two guys (I never expressed any of this since I was ashamed of myself). I absolutely loved it when they hung out or slept with me and ignored their gf. I was so desperate for approval that I pretty much did anything they asked. I liked it when the senior members told off the new 1-2 members who joined every semester, if they hurt me. For the first time in my life, I also felt "cool". When I left campus and no one knew my reputation I held myself different. I went on a few tinder dates and I asked the guys what they thought of me and they described me exactly how I wanted to be. Fashionable, artsy, confident, open minded and most importantly "cool". Nothing like how I used to be, I guess I picked up a lot of high confidence mannerisms from living with them. But some part of me knew these guys just saw me as a toy. Jack constantly bragged about how was the one who "found" me. After two years of this I realized how fucked up my situation was. One day I just downed a bunch of pills to unalive myself. It didnt do anything but the guys found out. But I realized when they were way more scared of how it would look if it got out a girl they kept as a sex toy killed herself than about my well being. That was the final straw. I told my best friend back in Singapore some of what happened and she helped me transfer to a school back home. Its been almost 3 years since then. I am really happy to say I am recovered pretty well, graduated college, moved to Spain, and now have a healthy relationship with sex. But this was not easy at all. What really bothers me about what happened to me to this day is not the men. They are awful but they will always exist. But the girls who actively made my life hell and closed off all the exits I tried to take. Trust me I tried really hard to move on and make new friends but every fucking time these hellspawn bitches would make me out to be some sort of racetraitor slut that no one decent would want near them.