I did something horrible to my boyfriend 2 years ago and It haunts me to this day (NSFW)

Throaway acc because I don't want this to be tied to my original. This post is going to be very long, I'm so sorry Hello everyone. I just wanna confess that I did something horrible to my boyfriend 2 years ago and I'm unable to forgive myself. Me (24F) and my (34M) boyfriend are together for 2 years now. We met through a dating app and he's perfect for me and our relationship is great but.. I fucked up. A lot. Back then, I had many issues. I used to talk to many guys, telling them what they wanted to hear, sexting and sending nudes to strangers. Things that I didn't truly want to do, but I felt like I had to for some reason. I was desperate to find what I was looking for, to put myself out there and take risks. I thought I was being productive. And it turns out, I got addicted to it. When I met my boyfriend, I never stopped talking to these people even though I deeply wanted it to stop. To clarify, I wasn't doing anything physical with them. Just sexting/flirting through text and fake promises that I never kept.I used to lie a lot and I didn't even realize what I was doing till my boyfriend found out. I was even texting with others when my boyfriend was beside me and I felt nothing when I was doing it, like everything was completely normal. That day when he found out, it crashed my world. He checked my phone and he saw everything. It was night and we were at my parent's house. I went to take a bath but I left my phone on the bedroom. He checked it and he saw. When I came back, he was weird. He was asking me things about my past, about my body count and stuff like that, calmly, and I never thought that he knew. I just answered his questions. He kept asking me if he was enough, if I'm okay with us being monogamous and that I can tell him anything and he won't judge. He let me know that he hates lying and I can tell him anything. The only thing he hates is when he finds out things by himself. He was being the sweetest, giving me the chance to come out clean but I still didn't imagine that he knew everything so I reassured him, I lied again. We fell asleep and I woke up at 5 am. He was already up, saying that he needs to leave. I asked him if everything's okay and he said no, of course. Eventually, he told me in a very calm tone "how stupid do you think I am?". I asked him what he means and he opened my phone in front of me and he cried a lot. He was so shocked that he couldn't say anything at all and he never expected that from me. We ended up hugging and crying and he forgave me and from that day, I never even dared to think about doing anything like that, never wanted to. We're still together to this day and he seems okay now, but I can't stop thinking about this day. I feel like a horrible person, I feel ashamed and my anxiety is on the roof every single day. I feel like I don't deserve to be loved or forgiven. He told me that he has trauma from exes in the past. All his exes cheated on him and when he was finding out, he was doing it back. He cheated a lot too but as he was growing up, he was doing it less and less till he completely stopped. He told me that even though I cheated on him, he never felt the need or the desire to take revenge and that I'm the only one that he has never cheated. That made me feel worse, like I still don't feel like I deserve it and it's so devastating and heartbreaking. These past months, I noticed that I became more jealous than I used to be. I keep wondering how can he be so calm with me no matter what I did to him, how can he go past it. And then I'm wondering if he's cheating on me or if he's going to leave me for someone else and all these feelings are eating me inside, overthinking a lot. Maybe that's my punishment for the horrible things I've done to him after all