in a declining “relationship” with a semi well known actor

hi. i don’t really know how to do this but i cant tell my friends, i cant tell my family, and im really going through it right now. for the past year and a half ive been in a relationship with an actor, and i really do love him. i’m about to turn twenty and he’s the only man ive ever loved in my life. i met him my first year of college and immediately it was me self isolating and giving all my attention to him. now things are different. i love him the same and he loves me the same but we’re not dating. he invites me over to his residence, we go on dates that are far away from his neighborhood, and he’s a great guy (to me). but i’m too much of a coward to ask for more. he’s not incredibly well known but i get nervous posting about this. anyways, he’s my best friend. no one in my family would approve of our age difference if i even told them. i’m word vomiting, but i just want to be seen and be made his girlfriend. he’s the only “boyfriend” ive ever had. thanks for listening reddit. \-E