I didn’t follow through with a suicide pact.

I haven’t told anybody this. We were in junior high, both mentally ill, probably 13 or 14, and one day we came up with a “great idea” to get us through life. We agreed that if one of us took our own life, the other would as well. February 2024, I received the news that he had killed himself. We hadn’t spoken much during the time we were in high school, but we messaged more and more in the months prior to his it. I don’t even know if he still remembers that he made this deal with me, but I do. I still think about this, and him, all the time. I’m 18 now, in university to get a career I’m passionate about, and have had an amazing girlfriend for a year this month. (She doesn’t know about any of this, including him.) I like living, I won’t do anything, but I can’t help but feel this guilt inside me about this and couldn’t keep this to myself anymore.