I paid for sex abroad (lost virginity in Thailand, handjobs/body-to-body in Vietnam/elsewhere) and want to redeem myself from this shame.

Throwaway for privacy. I'm a single guy (mid-20s/early 30s), never been in a relationship or even really talked much to girls back home – super awkward/introverted, desi family pressures, all that usual stuff. While traveling alone in Southeast Asia over the past couple years, I ended up doing things I'm really ashamed of now. Lost my virginity once in Thailand (paid service, think it was a bar/girly place). Had full sex once in a massage parlor in Vietnam. Over about a year, went to various massage places (mostly Thailand/Vietnam) for handjobs or body-to-body rubs – no penetration after the first times, but still paid sexual services. Everything was with consenting adults (as far as I could tell), I was single the whole time, no cheating on anyone. I never went looking for underage stuff or anything violent/forced. But now that I'm back in India, the guilt is eating me up – cultural shame, family values, wondering if I'm "damaged goods" or a bad person.