Tonight, my father revealed that my mother, who died by suicide, confessed 20 years ago to being a victim of incest by her grandmother. I cant stop crying

I’m writing this in a state of absolute shock. I’m 20 years old and live in France. My mother took her own life in 2006 when I was only two months old. For my entire life, her story was framed around a sudden, violent battle with schizophrenia. Tonight, my whole reality completely shattered. My grandmother is in a nursing home, and after her house was burglarized, I was authorized to retrieve old family photos. Looking through them, I paused at my great-grandmother: elegant, regal, a matriarch. I actually admired her image. Then, my father dropped a bomb on me. Twenty years ago, my mother confessed to him that she had been a victim of incest? perpetrated by her own grandmother. The very woman whose picture I was just admiring. I've been crying for hours, trying to piece her life together. In my mind, every tragic event suddenly made sense through the lens of this trauma, even if I know I will never be able to verify everything: 1991 (Flight to Florida): At 22, she moved to the US from France to train as a commercial pilot, She was brilliant, mastering aerodynamics, complex physics, and aviation English. She passed her medical Class 1 exams and radio certificates. She did everything perfectly. I now see this incredible drive as a desperate need to cross an ocean and escape her abuser. Accident and Return : In F lorida she was hit by a car, damaged her spine, had to stop her flying training, and was forced back to France, broken, isolated, and straight back into proximity with her family and her abuser. Her grandfather dies when she comes back Then she had to manage legal guardianship with her mother for her abusive grandmother while in chronic pain, her brain broke. I believe her nervous system overloaded, triggering psychosis and dissociation as an emergency exit. She developped schizophrenia. Before I was born, she was panicking. She told my father she was panicked about abusing me as she were abused. At two months old, an incident happened in the bath where I ended up under water while alone with her. She froze completely in catatonia/dissociation, paralyzed by PTSD i think and lack of sleep. A nurse saved me but i was put in intensive care. She was suppposed to go to the police, but hanged herself in my grandmother s home My grandmother (her mom) was the one who found her. My grandmother has always been silent and emotionally distant; I am now convinced she probably knew what her mother had done to my mom. Looking at that picture of my great-grandmother makes me sick to my stomach. II dont see my mother just as "mentally ill," but as someone hunted by trauma who dissociated when she wanted to protect me most. But the hardest part is the realization hitting me right now: I will never know the absolute truth. The main people involved are gone or silent. I am left with fragments, a fathers memory of a confession, a dead mother, and my own heavy deductions to make sense of an unbearable horror. I dont even know how to begin processing this tonight. Ive been crying non-stop for 4 hours, and my mind is completely racing