Everything fake?

I am a 30-year-old female working in corporate, and a dentist by profession. I met this guy, let's call him Shiv, 8 years ago when he came to get a dental treatment, and I treated him. I had an instant crush on him. Six months went by, and I finally had the courage to talk to him. He also liked talking with me, and we would hang out, watch movies, and get physical but not deeply involved. This continued for some time, and then he shut me out after 2 months. We stayed connected over WhatsApp and met once when we were in the same place. We got a little cozy, but he always considered me a friend. I liked him as a friend too. I was single, so I was happy to be in a relationship, but he maintained that distance. In 2022, we met again after 5 years. He called me after a very long time and said he was sorry for his behavior and wanted to fix things and give us a 'shot.' We would talk, sex text, and have daily conversations. Later, after we met, this time we had sex. I truly love him and thought this would bond us well. I asked for his time and attention, but he would say I am needy and should enjoy my time on my own. This led to gradual fights, and I felt manipulated into trusting him. I don't know where I went wrong—loving someone or trusting a friend blindly. Am I stupid to believe the good in him? He was one of the closest friends I had. He was okay being a friend, but now after sleeping with him, I can't see him as just a friend. I miss him as a friend, as the time I spent with him was the most memorable of my life. This was the first time I was reciprocated the same way. But now, when I think of him, I can't stop crying. How could he do this to me? He was aware of my feelings, yet he chose to hurt them. Was I never a friend, or did he just want to have sex and leave? I cry every day and sometimes lose track of what's going on. It's now been 2 years, and I am still trying to heal, with a hope that someday he will realize again. I may be judged, but he matters to me.