My dog won the office fitness challenge for me.

So my company launched a corporate step challenge last month with a five hundred dollar bonus. Very competitive. Our vice president kept bragging on Slack about his daily ten-mile runs. I wanted the money to pay off my car insurance so I clipped the company tracker to my golden retriever's collar. my dog runs around our fenced backyard chasing tennis balls and squirrels twelve hours a day. He logged nearly twenty-five thousand steps before lunch every single Tuesday. I ended up crushing the entire regional leaderboard by one hundred thousand steps. I collected the gift card on Friday and thought the joke was over. Now I am ABSOLUTELY panicking. The head of human resources just sent an all-company email announcing that I am the official team captain for the charity five kilometer race next Saturday. They want me to lead the warm-up jog and give a speech about endurance discipline. I should of taken the tracker off after week one. I get winded walking up the stairs to my second floor apartment and now forty coworkers expect me to sprint like an Olympic athlete. Why do corporate wellness programs force you into committing athletic fraud.