My grandfather bought a gun today. My grandmother heard the shot.

TW: Suicide My Dad FaceTimed me a couple hours ago and immediately asked me to add all of my siblings to the call… so I knew something was wrong. As we waited for each of them to answer, I kept wracking my brain for what he was about to tell us. Never did I think the words, “Your grandfather took his own life today,” would come out of his mouth. I have never seen my Dad cry until today. I guess my Grandpa emptied my grandparents’ checking and savings accounts, and a few weeks ago my Grandma found out. When she asked him where the money was and how long he’d been hiding it from her, he replied plainly, “Greed. You never take any risks.” My grandfather has always been amazing with money. In fact, he was the one who taught me how to invest, which stocks pay the highest dividends, and how to reinvest those dividends back into more stocks. I can’t even fathom that he’d be reckless with their money or make bad financial decisions. But alas, here we are. Both checking and savings accounts just… empty. My grandmother wondering where the money went and who she married. And my grandfather, a proud man who maybe felt trapped and shame? Who could’ve potentially been living a double life? Who wasn’t as financially stable as we all thought he was? The police officers found a letter in his pocket and would only tell us that it said he was sorry and he loved my Grandma. They won’t let us have or read the whole thing until they’ve completed their investigation. My gut says the answer is in that letter. And that it’s not something we thought he was ever capable of doing. I guess my confession here is that I think he felt trapped in the marriage to my Grandma and thought that was the only way out of it. I think he ended his life out of spite. For getting caught. For being monitored so closely. For feeling suffocated. I think he was selfish for only thinking of himself in that moment and not about the aftermath or how it would impact my grandmother. And I guess I also confess that it breaks my heart to even think those thoughts about him. He walked into a gun store today and bought a rifle. With her credit card. Then he drove home to pick her up and take her to a doctor’s appointment because she can’t drive. And instead of getting out of the car and going inside, he walked into the backyard and took his own life. And she heard the shot. He knew she would find him. I confess I am so angry with him for what he’s done to her and to our family.