I made one polite compliment to my boyfriend’s mom three years ago. My apartment is now overrun by ceramic ducks.

The first time I had dinner at his parents' house back in 2023 I was terrifyingly nervous. While trying to make polite conversation in her kitchen, I pointed at this random porcelain duck sitting on her windowsill and said, "Oh, that’s so charming, I’ve always loved ducks!" In reality, I have never thought about waterfowl once in my entire life. She latched onto that comment like a heat-seeking missile. For the past three years, literally every single gift from her has been duck-themed. For my birthday? Cast-iron duck bookends. Christmas? Duck-embroidered linen napkins and a hand-painted wooden mallard. Last month she showed up at our apartment with a vintage brass duck umbrella stand she drove two hours to buy at a flea market. My boyfriend and I live in a modern two-bedroom apartment that is slowly turning into a retirement pond. Whenever she comes over, I have to run around our living room staging twenty-five different duck figurines so she thinks they’re my prized possessions. I'm trapped in a waterfowl prison of my own making, but telling her the truth now would break her sweet heart into pieces.