I went for a rub and tug for the first time ever and I should feel guilty

My wife and I get along very well, we parent well and do fun stuff together. But we haven't had sex in years. Any intimate contact I initiate gets immediately shot down. Today I went for a massage due to some stiff muscles and I purposely chose a shady one with no website. As expected the masseuse asked me to turn around halfway through and gave me a handy. I should feel guilty, but to be honest it felt very good to feel intimate contact again and have somebody else give me an orgasm after such a long time.