Turned off auto pilot and saw the real me.

I’ve always been pretty slim, in high school i was always 130 at around 5’7. i experienced a lot of what other people did in covid. i gained around 15 pounds that year, and had a miscarriage which led to horrible hormonal acne. it gave me pretty bad scarring that made me want to avoid the public. i found out later i had a medical condition that stopped me from being able to have kids which i always wanted to have. Since 2020 i’ve gained about 20 pounds a year, i’ve just been working and watching tv everyday on auto pilot for so long. it got pretty bad last year and this year where i started getting stretch marks very rapidly all over my body, and a significant amount of body fat. i don’t even recognize myself. i had to stop and look at myself and all my horrible habits. i finally saw how i was rotating through the same few pairs of jeans and oversized sweaters every week, not getting ready at all, not even showering for days. i couldn’t even bring myself to clean up after myself for weeks on end. i finally stopped and looked around and saw how bad i’ve been living, just gaining and gaining and gaining. i used to always get compliments and as the years have gone on its been less and less, i haven’t taken photos of myself in years. strangers barely make eye contact with me, customer service ppl aren’t nice back at me. i just feel like i woke up from a bad dream. i don’t even know where the years went. i guess my confession is i realize how neglectful i’ve been to myself, and i wonder if anyone else has ever experienced anything similar.